"Today, I Am Your Parent" - Spoken Word Ocala - Summer 2019

When I was a foster parent, I had the opportunity to perform at the first Spoken Word Ocala. I did not have a babysitter, so I brought my two little guys with me. D was 9, T was 12, and they had only been in my home for a matter of weeks at the time. I could tell they had never been to anything like this before, but they had fresh haircuts and new outfits, and seemed happy to be there with me. I was nervous but also excited, thumbing through my notecards as we walked into the museum where the event was being held. We settled into our seats, and I waited for my turn.

When the organizer told me a couple weeks before that I could write my own piece, I started to brainstorm all the things I would want to share. A few days went by, and I just couldn't decide what to write down. I was running out of time, so I climbed on the mower (mowing is all you ever do on a Florida farm during the summer), and as I was doing laps around the backyard, the words just started flowing through my mind.

I'm certainly not a poet by any means, and although I'm sure it's not written in correct form, what I wrote that day allowed me to express how I was feeling at that point in my life. And even though things have changed drastically since then, when I read these words now, it takes me back to a different place and time.

Below is a slightly revised version of what I said that night, in front of a full audience but most importantly, in front of two boys who taught me so much about connection, love, and resilience.

De, Me, and T at the Ocala Farmer's Market - Summer 2019

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Today, I am a parent.

But my children are not of my genes,

and not of my blood.

They have been ripped from their seams,

and from everything they love.

But they have found a home here,

even just for a while

Where they can feel safe

and find reasons to smile.

They come to me shattered,

and scared and alone.

And they don’t understand

why they can’t go home.

So, we start with the basics,

Hi, nice to meet you.

What do you like?

And how can I make you...

feel welcome and comfortable,

and ok in my care?

Because it’s you and me for now,

don’t worry, I’ll spare...

My time and my love,

and my cats and my dogs,

and whatever’s in the pantry,

and all I have of...

My space and my life

and my mind and my heart,

until the day comes

when we have to part.

We’ll talk about things

that are harder for some,

but soon we’ll find strength

where there once was none.

We’ll do all the normal things

as it appears we are one

family, as parent and child,

until it is done.

Do you think you know how we feel in our hearts?

Because you can’t imagine how hard it is to start...

and stop, and breathe, and let go...

and then start this journey all over again.

With no control we surrender

to our hearts and our minds.

We do what we have to

and make the most of our time

We step up when we’re called,

we say yes when we know

that there’s no guarantee

and someday they’ll go...

Back to their lives

and what can we say

when they no longer need us

and it’s closing day?

See, my heart works for the state,

it is my job to heal,

with my home and my love

and everything I hold dear.

Hope.

It appears here.

Between the rants and the tantrums,

and struggles and trials,

and the case workers and judges,

and therapists and lawyers.

And the team of people

all working together,

to battle the circumstances

and make everything better.

We move forward, we keep going,

we don’t give up...

There’s no signs of slowing.

You see, my arms are for the broken,

my soul is for the weary.

My heart is for the taking,

I have the room, clearly.

I foster growth,

and security.

and independence.

I foster strength,

and courage,

and self-awareness.

I allow time to do its thing.

These moments are priceless.

I can’t imagine not being here,

Where would we be without this?

As I discover who I am

through all this I know,

that this is my path

And together we’ll sew...

The future of you

while you reside in my care,

because time is real

and you've paid your fare.

So, as I look for guidance,

don’t worry,

we’ll get through...

To the next step,

to the next part,

to the other side,

of this incredible journey.

Because today, I am your parent.

---

Golf cart fun on the farm.

Hydration is key!

Tubing time!

Sky Zone!

Our first picture together